My Sticky Shoe and Father's Day Too

Most Sunday mornings, I don't have the girls. While they ate never far from my mind, while getting ready for church, I'm usually on my own. This morning , I slipped on my shoes just before walking out the door and didn't notice something wasn't quite right until I was at church. I was walking Brenna to Sunday school and said to her, do you know what reminds me I'm a mommy this morning? She said no and asked me what.  I said I'm reminded I'm a mommy because there is something sticky in my shoe! She giggled and asked how that made me a mommy. I told her I was pretty sure that people without children probably didn't come to church with sticky stuff in there shoe. She looks at me with this straight, serious face and said, "I don't know Mom, I guess we better ask someone without children." 

I struggle with Father's Day and Mother's Day both.  Mother's Day is much easier to understand my emotions.  Mostly it's just that I really, really miss my mom. I miss her every single day. And then I feel guilty for being sad on Mother's Day because now I'm the mom and I'm supposed to be happy and celebrating these precious girls that God has blessed me with the honor of raising. 

Father's Day, I'm a little leery writing my feelings for 2 reasons. One, ever the peacemaker, I don't want to hurt anyone and two, feeling guilty is just dumb. I have 2 dads whom I love dearly. I know my dad loved me without ever really knowing me. And I know that my dad, who raised me, loves me and his granddaughters. It was a rough road though.  The girls' dad loves them and is a great dad who is no longer married to me. I feel guilty for not being able to provide for them the example of a good husband and a Godly marriage. I can't give them a father who loves their mother.  And that is why I ended up crying with my friend in the church bathroom this morning over being a single mom and having a sticky shoe to boot. 

If anyone's wondering, it was frosted flakes in my shoe... Which I washed out while my tears changed to laughter with my friend.